For A Laugh

It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least:

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Truly a heart warming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and believe there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next to an empty lot. A construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested they start a savings account.

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too?" She replied, "I will if those useless sons-of-bitches at the lumber yard bring us any drywall that's worth a shit."

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week."

Gems-in-the-rough all of them, they more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.

1. In the beginning was the Plan.

2. And then came the Assumptions,

3. And the Assumptions were without form.

4. And the Plan was without Substance.

5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

6. And they spoke among themselves saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."

7. And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail

 The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

" God said, "Ah, yes, " "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed, " God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. " St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?